Almost February

January has been a long month. William has been so sick on and off and so have I. I made a commitment to have one thing on my work space at all times. What does that mean? Well, I finished a layout yesterday and immediately pulled some pictures to work with. That way it is always there to remind me to play. I think I have 5 lo's done this past week.

WhereHaveI been?

It has been a rough week, I went to the doctor Monday, I think, and have been down most of the week. Not only kidney problems,Uti and Sinus infections but All My bones hurt and no one know why. It is hard to get around. I was told to use my walker again. No matter how much pain meds I take I only get lessening of pain, not gone. But I don't want use it. It would be like giving up.

Misty has not done much to help. She has not changed, true it does not bother her that I don't keep the house up, but she won't do it. But she has been doing the cooking but do a dish? HaHaHa.

Pastor Mike and I talked about Heaven and I told Him I will be so happy, I will be perfect, no Lupus and I will have a truely have a perfect time worshiping God. He laughed and said won't that be hard work (Oh Yea, real hard). He helps keeps me up and I love looking forward to our conversations even if they are on line!

Time for more meds, so I will close for now.

Finally better!

It took till about 11 am but I finally started feeling better, I could connect to myself. It was pretty scary there for a while, I almost called Willie and told him to get the boys.

But the boys and I had a pretty good afternoon. I taught the boys to play Hi-Ho Cherry-O yesterday and William and I played a few games today. Parker was more interested in watching Wall-E.

Some good news, I got my Christmas pictures back today and I am looking forward to start scrapping them. I also got 2 5x7's of the boys with their Nonnie on Christmas. I'm going to make a pretty project for her, I haven't decided what though but it will come to me.

night all!

I've lost it!

I don't know if it is stress, if I am going crazy or what. But my mind is in a fog and I feel like I am not connected to anything. Like earlier this morning, I realized I did not have my watch on but I never take it off except to take a shower. I sort of remember taking it off but not when or why and I did not know where I put it. Finally I had to resort to God and ask Him where it was and it was between the pillows in my bed.
Then William was throwing a fit and I put him on a time out. He socked me in the cheek and I hit his face; that is so not me. It was not hard enough to leave a mark but now I am afraid I am losing it.
I am gong to try to meditate and see if that will help but I have to sort out what the boys are arguing over. Thanks my friends!

Friday and William

Well Ifinally found out why William was suspended. He did not do his assignment in class and when everyone else got their coins William picked up his paper cup and threw it. Then he slinked to the floor where he tossed one shoe off his foot and threw the other one. (not at anyone just tossed it away and said I don't need this.)

I took him to school today and he said sorry to his teacher who told me what happened. I told her My speil about showing him how to get out of school when he does not want to go. I also told her Misty's concerns about him being emotionally ready for a classroom of that type. The head of SE is going to cal Misty today and maybe Misty can arrange an IEP of where to go to meet Williams needs.

I know I am getting too sck, physicallyand emotionally, to deal with this much longer. Yesterday Misty said something that cut me to the quick. One of Williams favorite commercials came on before she went to work and so I called William in so he could see it. And Misty said something like "now I know where he gets all his stupid shit from". This after 2 days ago when she told someone at work that I helped her out a bit, when they were discussing single parenting. You know if I am not appreciated, I can leave except that would not help the boys.

So I am in a downer. Not only that but I don't have any money to pay my bills cause for the last 3 weeks, I have been spending all my money and credit to buy food for this house, but I have not been anywhere for weeks and I am always affected by no sun, in the winter.

So I am leaving this kinda opened asking for prayer, and supportive thoghts that everything will work out for the best!

Waiting,

Today was a rough day, with William getting kicked out of school till friday. I wonder if I'm doing something wrong, I have a comission from God to care for and teach these boys about Him. At times like this I am so ready to go home to Him. Low and behold Pastor Mike in his devotional this morning was about waiting but not just waiting but what we can do with this waiting. I asked him if I could use this in my blog and he said he would be honored. So I am turning it over to him, I deeply love this man:
Easier said than done isn't it? Sometimes the only thing that helps me while I am waiting on God is to simply close my eyes and allow my heart to see what my eyes can't and to put my hope in "delayed gratification". I openly confess I am not very good at delaying my gratification, especially if I know what I want, I mean what I need, ha, and need really bad. What I love about this song is I get it. I totally understand what it means to want something and have to wait all the while being hopeful and knowing that as I am waiting and remaining hopeful I have to learn to deal with the pain that comes with not having what I want, yet! Yes, loved one, I stress the yet as this is where faith comes in and is really put to the test. Can I wait and what will I do while I am waiting? The key I am learning is to be "actively waiting" and to believe in delayed gratification as I do. Does riding my bike count as "actively waiting", ha! Just know, some things are so good they are worth the wait no matter how long it takes, no matter how long the wait. Read the words to the song today and sing it and pray it too. I have discovered its not just a great song, it's a great prayer too! While I Am Waiting I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord And I am hopeful I'm waiting on You, Lord Though it is painful But patiently, I will wait I will move ahead, bold and confident Taking every step in obedience While I'm waiting I will serve You While I'm waiting I will worship While I'm waiting I will not faint I'll be running the race Even while I wait I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord And I am peaceful I'm waiting on You, Lord Though it's not easy But faithfully, I will wait Yes, I will wait I will serve You while I'm waiting I will worship while I'm waiting I will serve You while I'm waiting I will worship while I'm waiting I will serve You while I'm waiting I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord (song ends) Yes, beloved of Jesus, the song reminds us that life can be a paradox at times, seemingly stranger than fiction as they say. Be encouraged though as you actively wait on God to satisfy the longings in your heart and know as you do that God loves you and I do too, I do, I do! "But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Where has time gone!

Sometimes I don't like to blog if I am not alone, because interuptions bother me!

Well Christmas has come and gone. The boys had so much fun. I'll post some layouts as soon as I get my photoes back! William has been so good over thebreak from school; But I keep waiting for him to go back to his old ways. I need to stop doing that.

There is nothing really going on. I am trying to clean up the living room so we can take down the tree. I hate taking it down, it brightens my day.

I am getting some of the Bittersweet Papers, mostly the browns and reds but I have a special project for the one all pink one I got. I hope it looks good enough IRL as I picture it. But time will tell.
Well I better fix Parker some lunch and then I am going to try to scrap a page or 2, if possible!