Beach Collage

Beach collage

the birthday boy and I

Parker in school

Parker on the last day of school for his Kindergarden Readiness program.

In line forclass

Finally alive!

I got so much work done around here today, I will not feel guilty if I scrap tomorrow. I am going to start doing my Christmas pictures tomorrow.

I hope Parker will cooperate. Maybe I can bribe him with a movie.

One More Day

Why did I have to wake this morning. If anything, I am so much more depressed today. I am sitting here while the boys still sleep, not wanting to wake them so the sink is full of dirty dishes, the living room is a mess and at least 1/2 load of towels where the kids moped up spills and let the towel sit on them.

Just run down!

Misty and I had to our big shopping yesterday but today I feel all dragged out and depressed. Don't know why, just wishing I could go home. I have had all I can take and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If anyone reads this say a prayer for me, that I can get out of this depression before I do something stupid!

Heartbreak time!

Misty went to Williams IEP, which is his yearly goals and progress that he has through the school. She did not tell me all that went on but here is the gist of it.

For the next school year William will be working on all the same goals. He has not meet any goals that were set last year except some of the math ones. His reading goal is continued because his goal for this year was to read at a kindergarten level and he has not met that goal.

They think he is dyslexic but he is so far behind they can not test him for it yet.My poor darling, my heart breaks for him! With Parker starting Kindergarten in the fall I have a feeling that William's self esteem will take a nose dive.

Please join me in Praying for a Miracle!

I figured it out!! Misty is no parent!

It hit me out of the blue last night. I was in my room, my peaceful time for the day, the only time I can call mine. When ALL HELL broke out in the Living room.

The boys were fighting and not listening to her, it was so bad, I can't believe she spanked both of them, took William's Lego's away till today (only she relented to 1 hour, but William said no you said 1 day and did not touch them).

And it hit me like a ton of bricks, she does not want to parent unless it is on her terms. I know her job is stressful and she has a lot of responsibility thrust on her being a single parent. But when she comes home from work, she wants to play with the boys for about a 1/2 hour and then wants to be on the computer the rest of the night or watching TV in her room cause the boys have the TV on in the living room watching movies.

So the boys raise Hell to get her attention! I don't mean to say they are perfect for me, no they are special little boys who require a lot of attention. But I spend most of the day being available to them, and that is the difference. Why does she think that is all she has to do?

Maybe because I worked around my kids hours until Misty was in kindergarten, I did all kinds of jobs from day caring for 13 kids, to waiting tables at Marie Callendar's. But I was there for them always.

I did not start nursing school till Misty was in Kindergarten, 2nd half and worked 40 hours a week. I supported us alone. And the evening's were my time for the kids. I helped with homework, played with them and read every night.

I always put them first, even when I had a stroke in my 2nd year of school. ( I was so driven to finish school with my degree I only missed 10 days of school).

But she does not get it. I wish she would wake up! Don't you think when the boys call me Mama instead of PopPop she misses the clue there? Well I just wanted to tell you that the lightening bolt finally it. Not that I will do anything about it. The boys are my life! I just hope the Lord keeps me alive till I finish this job of raising them.

I was tagged!!

I usually don't look this bad. But I am tagging Jenni, Jan, Christie, and Jennifer S. Have fun ladies!

new blog

I started a new blog with my lo's and projects. So stop by and look! Let me know what you think.

The Scrap Review

The Scrap Review

It is March already!

Oh, it has been a rough couple of days with Misty sick and William with his problem. But things are looking up! Misty went to work and stayed all day till 2:30 when I picked her up to go up the hill to get the paperwork from her store up there and make sure that all was ok. William is over his problem but we had to keep on him for a few days.

And Me I am loving life, I have no problem with my breast, a green light. That makes me incredibly happy and a lot less worried about the future.

I am thinking of writing to Sara and tell her that I am not going to re sub anytime soon, so if she wants me off the board that is her decision I must live with. I got a project kit this month from a no commitment club. I can get paper kits, project kits. That is where I got the christmas House album for Williams teacher. She has gobs of embellishments in her kits. No extra embellies to buy, no ribbon (it comes with lots)

Poor William Don't Read if you have just eaten or about to eat!!!

Poor William. He has been having a rough time since last Thursday with moving his bowels. Yesterday he said his stomach hurt. Misty took him to Urgent care this evening and he wound up being Impacted. So they gave him an enema and got rid of the major blockage. But he is sore and I did not get him hair washed and tomorrow is picture day. What a mess. I am just glad that he is going and I am thinking when was the last time he was with his dad, I know he leans on William hard, especially about that. Hopefully this will end his problem for a while.

How do I mess it up?

I am in the wrong, as usual, around here. W was supposed to fix his brakes before taking the boys cause they were gone. It is raining, so I told Misty that he should do it in the garage here and put the van on the street. I meant it in the nicest way.
Fast forward 1/2 hour and he calls Misty about the 100 dollar bill in the van. It is counterfeit, and I had it hidden until I could turn it over to the police. My point, It was hidden and why was he digging around in my stuff. Now everyone is mad at me, cause I made a fuss. Well next he walks in thru my room with all his dirty clothes and I said, 'you are doing laundry?' and said I had to get our stuff out of the washer, I had not started it yet. Well I guess I did not say it is a nice enough tone for him and he says never mind, I'll do it at a laundromat'.

So I am in the doghouse around here. You know I feel like I can not have anything personal around here, He especially, feels entitled. What is the saying ' what mine is mine and what's yours is mine too. Why do you think I hide this blog from Misty? I can't have a personal thought around here. I am just upset and forgive me for using this to vent. I want you to know I have no other outlet for my emotions. And I love you guys who comment.

Saturday morning.

Ihad a great time visiting with Katie-bug yesterday. We need to get together. She brought me 2 totes full of scrappy stuff. Paper and stickers and other embellies. She said to use what I want and give the rest to the boys. And I get to keep the totes! What a special friend.
I will spend the rest of today and tomorrow running around do errands. I really want a day off. My day of bliss would be away from the house, kids, and Misty. to do nothing if I want, scrap, read of just rest.
I'm sorry for the same old song and dance, I am so tired.
Well put on a happy face and Fu#k it! I'll get enough rest when I'm dead.

My boys are being so good this morning, I have my laptop out in the livingroom, just hanging out; I am so glad they get along so well right now. I mean they get into spats but now they are like normal siblings. At least it is smooth sailing this morning, laundry going, dishes at a minimum, so I leave with a wish that everyone have a happy Weekend!

The easy parts over.

I had my ultrasound done this morning and now we play the waiting game. She, the tech, said I should hear from my doctor today or Monday. That does not sound good! but it is in God's hands now. I will keep up the Faith and just live my lfe. I hate that tech's can't tell you anything.

I made it home in time for Williams Patriot Program. It was so cute but Misty and I did have a problem with the color guard with guns, especially after they posted the flags, one guy did fancy manuvers with his rifle. I don't think little ones should be subject to this.
Well time to take Misty to work, talk more later.

I blew it!

I blew it big time with William, and know He is not going to have a good day. Let me back up, yesterday when we went to get Misty, he fell asleep in the car. Misty tried to wake him up but could not rouse him. So apparently he awoke at 10 PM and was up till 3:30. Needless to say he was not a happy camper this morning and complained of a sore throat which I couldnot find and no temp. We do things by timer around here. It helps him to transion from one thing to another. Well I put him in the car and came back to get sleeping Parker when all of a sudden he comes up to me with both fists and got me in the hips.

This is when I blew it! I told him I would not be his punching bag, so he told me to leave. and I said fine, I'd go! Of course he turned his tune around and said don't leave. And I refused to answer him. When I got him out of the van at school, he said he loved me and I said no you don't, cause if you loved me you wouldn't hit me! But I did tell him I loved him and I'll see you later.

What a bad surrogate mother I am. I feel so bad about it and I know he will probably have a bad day at school. I don't dare tell Misty about this, or she will rag on me.

I love my blog, I am able to let it all hang out.

Feeling fine!

Boy I had a weird episode this am. It was like I was outside myself. I mean I knew what I was doing but it felt like my brain was watching me rather than being me. Has anyone else had this experience, I have 3 or 4 times now. But I had an MRI on my brain 2 months ago so I know it is not anything phsyically wrong.

The boys are playing quietly in their beedroom, right next to mine. I should be using this time to scrap, but maybe in a little while if they stay playing together well. There is plenty to do, laundry, mopping the kitchen, but don't feel like it right now.

Thought wrong!

I was hoping for a quiet day, staying home, watching the race and the boys here since they were at their dad's yesterday. But if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all. Misty got a gift card for the mall for her birthday, and I know she really needed pants for work, so I should have realized she want to go shopping. so she drug me around the mall for 2 hours. I took my cane but my legs and hips are hurting real bad. So I am down for the day except I will have to pick up the boys sometime this afternoon.

One day I will get strong enough to tell Misty I need to have time to recoup.

A fast follow up!

Misty just called and I almost did not answer but I knew she would not stop trying, so I do. She says "Scott (her boss) told her just to ignore the lady cause she is crazy anyway" and then she starts laughing . I told her I would never touch her phone again and that I was still upset and said call me if you need a ride to the bank this afternoon and said by and hung up!

I am debating if I should go to Urgent Care cause I am having chest pains which means that my BP is wacked out cause of all this stress and my aortic valve can't take it.

Can you say F$%#ing on a blog?

I am so F$#&ing pissed off right now. Here's is the scenerio, I get a call from the school lunch supervisor (a sub one today) saying according to records she can not serve William hot lunch today because of the cheese in the stuffed breadsticks. I try to explain that dairy products other than milk are not forbidden. Well she goes on and on and finally Misty takes the phone and she gets the same runaround that I did but a # to call the supervisor for the district. (all this is her fault cause she never picked up the paper work from the dr. at the beginning of school and I do NOT have a medical release for the boys! So she goes off on a tangent but I don't remind her that she is the reason for it.

After ten minutes she calls the Supervisor and after explaining that William is now eating dairy, she pull up his records and while she is doing this she puts Misty on hold. Misty hands me her phone so she can brushed her teeth.

When I get the phone I apparently hit a button and some Irate person starts yelling at me that I am a rotten manager and she is going to the Labor Board, etc, I am trying to tell her that this is not my phone but my daughters she is not listening and Misty tells me to hang up . So Misty listens to the voice mail this woman left and immediately gets mad at me cause now she has to dig herself out of a deep hole because I hit the wrong button on her phone and the woman was not listening to me. So after yelling at me I left the room and handle the William lunch situation.

So now it is time for her to leave for work. She has not dressed Parker, has not done a dish, has not done anything about her clothes in the dryer except to take out only what she needs to wear, has not even picked up the boys clothes from the living room floor from last night (all normal for her). I apologized to her and she starts ranting at me again, so I left the room saying I can't deal with any more. I have to run the house, do all the work, be responsible for the boys still pay rent . I can't even get kits from LRS any more cause she does not give me a dime at all. I am getting a kit from a no obligation club for this month, don't tell Sara cause she will probably kick me off the board. I swear at times she is the most inconsiderate bitch I have ever met. And while she tells me not to let people walk all over me, she can't see that she is the one who does it the most!!!

I wish I could send her this but then she will just make it harder for me or tell me to move and she will let Willie move back in and to grow his pot here.

Sorry about this, I just have to let it out, and she does nor know I have a new blog after making the other one down.

Scrappy days!

Kristii, got me going again. That funny story on her blog I knew I had to do a lay out of! I have been trying to finish a layout every day or so I posted some on LRS. I did another today I really like, I'll post it in the morning.
We are still all sick but not flat out sick; guess we are the 'walking wounded'. I think it has to do with the weather since we all have sinus problems. I'm just finding it hard getting around too.

William and I have had a contract since the last time he got in trouble in school. on Tuesdays and Fridays he gets something special for being in school. It is simple stuff, not major. Like a batch of brownies and tomorrow it is we make his favorite cookies. Since the next 2 weeks are only 4 days each I am going to try him with once a week. That is where I will leave it. Everyone deserves 1 treat a week for being good in school, especially special kids!

Almost February

January has been a long month. William has been so sick on and off and so have I. I made a commitment to have one thing on my work space at all times. What does that mean? Well, I finished a layout yesterday and immediately pulled some pictures to work with. That way it is always there to remind me to play. I think I have 5 lo's done this past week.

WhereHaveI been?

It has been a rough week, I went to the doctor Monday, I think, and have been down most of the week. Not only kidney problems,Uti and Sinus infections but All My bones hurt and no one know why. It is hard to get around. I was told to use my walker again. No matter how much pain meds I take I only get lessening of pain, not gone. But I don't want use it. It would be like giving up.

Misty has not done much to help. She has not changed, true it does not bother her that I don't keep the house up, but she won't do it. But she has been doing the cooking but do a dish? HaHaHa.

Pastor Mike and I talked about Heaven and I told Him I will be so happy, I will be perfect, no Lupus and I will have a truely have a perfect time worshiping God. He laughed and said won't that be hard work (Oh Yea, real hard). He helps keeps me up and I love looking forward to our conversations even if they are on line!

Time for more meds, so I will close for now.

Finally better!

It took till about 11 am but I finally started feeling better, I could connect to myself. It was pretty scary there for a while, I almost called Willie and told him to get the boys.

But the boys and I had a pretty good afternoon. I taught the boys to play Hi-Ho Cherry-O yesterday and William and I played a few games today. Parker was more interested in watching Wall-E.

Some good news, I got my Christmas pictures back today and I am looking forward to start scrapping them. I also got 2 5x7's of the boys with their Nonnie on Christmas. I'm going to make a pretty project for her, I haven't decided what though but it will come to me.

night all!

I've lost it!

I don't know if it is stress, if I am going crazy or what. But my mind is in a fog and I feel like I am not connected to anything. Like earlier this morning, I realized I did not have my watch on but I never take it off except to take a shower. I sort of remember taking it off but not when or why and I did not know where I put it. Finally I had to resort to God and ask Him where it was and it was between the pillows in my bed.
Then William was throwing a fit and I put him on a time out. He socked me in the cheek and I hit his face; that is so not me. It was not hard enough to leave a mark but now I am afraid I am losing it.
I am gong to try to meditate and see if that will help but I have to sort out what the boys are arguing over. Thanks my friends!

Friday and William

Well Ifinally found out why William was suspended. He did not do his assignment in class and when everyone else got their coins William picked up his paper cup and threw it. Then he slinked to the floor where he tossed one shoe off his foot and threw the other one. (not at anyone just tossed it away and said I don't need this.)

I took him to school today and he said sorry to his teacher who told me what happened. I told her My speil about showing him how to get out of school when he does not want to go. I also told her Misty's concerns about him being emotionally ready for a classroom of that type. The head of SE is going to cal Misty today and maybe Misty can arrange an IEP of where to go to meet Williams needs.

I know I am getting too sck, physicallyand emotionally, to deal with this much longer. Yesterday Misty said something that cut me to the quick. One of Williams favorite commercials came on before she went to work and so I called William in so he could see it. And Misty said something like "now I know where he gets all his stupid shit from". This after 2 days ago when she told someone at work that I helped her out a bit, when they were discussing single parenting. You know if I am not appreciated, I can leave except that would not help the boys.

So I am in a downer. Not only that but I don't have any money to pay my bills cause for the last 3 weeks, I have been spending all my money and credit to buy food for this house, but I have not been anywhere for weeks and I am always affected by no sun, in the winter.

So I am leaving this kinda opened asking for prayer, and supportive thoghts that everything will work out for the best!

Waiting,

Today was a rough day, with William getting kicked out of school till friday. I wonder if I'm doing something wrong, I have a comission from God to care for and teach these boys about Him. At times like this I am so ready to go home to Him. Low and behold Pastor Mike in his devotional this morning was about waiting but not just waiting but what we can do with this waiting. I asked him if I could use this in my blog and he said he would be honored. So I am turning it over to him, I deeply love this man:
Easier said than done isn't it? Sometimes the only thing that helps me while I am waiting on God is to simply close my eyes and allow my heart to see what my eyes can't and to put my hope in "delayed gratification". I openly confess I am not very good at delaying my gratification, especially if I know what I want, I mean what I need, ha, and need really bad. What I love about this song is I get it. I totally understand what it means to want something and have to wait all the while being hopeful and knowing that as I am waiting and remaining hopeful I have to learn to deal with the pain that comes with not having what I want, yet! Yes, loved one, I stress the yet as this is where faith comes in and is really put to the test. Can I wait and what will I do while I am waiting? The key I am learning is to be "actively waiting" and to believe in delayed gratification as I do. Does riding my bike count as "actively waiting", ha! Just know, some things are so good they are worth the wait no matter how long it takes, no matter how long the wait. Read the words to the song today and sing it and pray it too. I have discovered its not just a great song, it's a great prayer too! While I Am Waiting I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord And I am hopeful I'm waiting on You, Lord Though it is painful But patiently, I will wait I will move ahead, bold and confident Taking every step in obedience While I'm waiting I will serve You While I'm waiting I will worship While I'm waiting I will not faint I'll be running the race Even while I wait I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord And I am peaceful I'm waiting on You, Lord Though it's not easy But faithfully, I will wait Yes, I will wait I will serve You while I'm waiting I will worship while I'm waiting I will serve You while I'm waiting I will worship while I'm waiting I will serve You while I'm waiting I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord (song ends) Yes, beloved of Jesus, the song reminds us that life can be a paradox at times, seemingly stranger than fiction as they say. Be encouraged though as you actively wait on God to satisfy the longings in your heart and know as you do that God loves you and I do too, I do, I do! "But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Where has time gone!

Sometimes I don't like to blog if I am not alone, because interuptions bother me!

Well Christmas has come and gone. The boys had so much fun. I'll post some layouts as soon as I get my photoes back! William has been so good over thebreak from school; But I keep waiting for him to go back to his old ways. I need to stop doing that.

There is nothing really going on. I am trying to clean up the living room so we can take down the tree. I hate taking it down, it brightens my day.

I am getting some of the Bittersweet Papers, mostly the browns and reds but I have a special project for the one all pink one I got. I hope it looks good enough IRL as I picture it. But time will tell.
Well I better fix Parker some lunch and then I am going to try to scrap a page or 2, if possible!